she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
