my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
