i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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