Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
