I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
