My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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