Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
