Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
