went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
