The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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