i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
