while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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