Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
