Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
