Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
