why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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