I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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