highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
