I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
