She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
