I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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