I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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