Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
