I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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