i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
