dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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