Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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