I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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