yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
