Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
