I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
