Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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