the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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