I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
