At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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