No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
