if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
