Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
