Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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