You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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