You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
