this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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