You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
