My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
