Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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