You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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