that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
