maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im holly from the hills drunk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
