you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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