You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
