Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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