So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
