I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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