Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
