I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When are your genitals available?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
