I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
