dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
