Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my being single is dangerous.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
