i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
