the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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