I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
