I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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