I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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