There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
