This is not my ceiling
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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