And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
