you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
