Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
These tits shall not be calmed
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