You can't motorboat a personality
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
