I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
