I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
