oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
