This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
