I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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