maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Small penises have feelings too.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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